The loss of a baby — whether through miscarriage, stillbirth, or neonatal death — is one of the most painful experiences a person can go through. Yet it is also one of the least acknowledged by society. Perinatal grief is often an invisible grief: there are no official rituals, people do not always know what to say, and the person who has lost often feels pressured to “move on” quickly.
This article is for all those who have experienced this loss and who need to know that their pain is real, that it deserves space, and that they do not have to go through it alone.
What is perinatal grief?
Perinatal grief is the mourning process that families experience after the loss of a baby. This includes losses that occur at any stage: early or late miscarriage, stillbirth, or death in the first days or weeks of life. It also includes some situations of prenatal diagnosis with a fatal prognosis, or the loss experienced through termination of pregnancy for medical reasons.
Each loss is unique, and each grief is unique. There is no “correct” way to grieve, no predetermined timeline, and no hierarchy of losses (a miscarriage at 8 weeks is no less painful than a loss at 20 weeks). What matters is that the experience is real and deserves recognition.
Why is perinatal grief so invisible?
Our society often has difficulty acknowledging perinatal loss. Phrases such as “you can try again,” “at least it was early,” or “it wasn’t meant to be” — however well-intentioned — minimise the grief and leave the person who has lost feeling alone and misunderstood. There are no funerals for many of these losses, no formal bereavement leave, and in many cases not even a name for the baby who was lost.
This invisibility does not mean the grief is smaller. In many cases, it makes it harder to process, because there is no social framework to hold it.
How does perinatal grief manifest?
Perinatal grief can manifest very differently from one person to another. It may include: intense sadness, longing, and emptiness; anger (at oneself, at the partner, at the medical team, at the world); guilt and questions of “what if I had done something differently”; numbness or emotional disconnection; anxiety about the future, about trying again, about other pregnancies; difficulty being around pregnant women or babies; and sometimes, complicated grief that becomes chronic and significantly affects daily life.
How can psychological support help?
Psychological support for perinatal grief does not aim to “cure” the pain or make you forget. It aims to accompany you in the process of integrating the loss: giving space to emotions that need to be felt, finding ways to honour the memory of the baby, rebuilding a sense of identity and continuity after the loss, and, if relevant, working through anxiety and fears around future pregnancies.
If you have experienced a perinatal loss and feel you need a space to process it, I am here to accompany you. You do not have to go through this alone.
If you are going through a loss, I offer specialised perinatal grief support. You may also find it helpful to read about non-motherhood grief.