Have you ever felt that since becoming a mother you are no longer quite sure who you are? That the person you were before has changed — but the new person has not fully arrived yet? If so, you may be in the midst of matrescence.
What is matrescence?
Matrescence is the process of psychological, emotional, physical, and social transformation that a woman goes through when she becomes a mother. The term was coined by anthropologist Dana Raphael in the 1970s and has been popularised in recent years by psychiatrist Alexandra Sacks. It refers to a transition as profound as adolescence — yet one that is largely invisible and unacknowledged by society.
Just as adolescence involves leaving childhood behind and building a new adult identity, matrescence involves leaving behind the person you were before and building a new identity as a mother. And just like adolescence, this process can be bewildering, painful, and full of contradictions.
What does matrescence feel like?
Matrescence can manifest in many different ways. Some women describe a feeling of identity loss — of no longer recognising themselves. Others experience ambivalence: loving their baby intensely while also missing their previous life, and then feeling guilty for that. Others feel overwhelmed by the enormous responsibility, or disconnected from their partner, their friends, or their own body.
There may also be moments of profound joy and meaning, of feeling a love like no other. Matrescence is not just suffering — it is also growth. But it is important to acknowledge that this growth has a cost, and that cost deserves to be seen.
Why does nobody talk about matrescence?
Our culture tends to idealise motherhood. We are told that becoming a mother is the most beautiful experience in the world, that it is natural and instinctive, and that a “good mother” gives everything without complaint. This narrative leaves no room for ambivalence, doubt, or difficulty.
When a woman experiences matrescence in all its complexity — with its shadows and its lights — she often concludes that something is wrong with her. But there is nothing wrong. What is missing is a cultural framework that recognises this transition for what it is: one of the most significant transformations a person can go through.
How can psychological support help during matrescence?
Therapy during matrescence offers a space to explore the new identity, integrate the old and the new self, work through guilt and ambivalence, and build a relationship with motherhood that feels authentic rather than imposed. It is not about adapting to an ideal of what a mother “should” be — it is about finding your own way of being a mother, from a place of self-knowledge and self-compassion.
If you are in this process and feel lost, overwhelmed, or simply in need of a space where you can be honest about what you are experiencing, I am here to accompany you.
The transformation into motherhood is profound. Learn more about my psychological support for motherhood and read about postpartum depression.